Signs of a Dystantfunctional Community
My suspicion is that there are more people than not, who are in distant/dysfunctional communities. Now, these are not irreversible, they just need to be diagnosed and corrected (repented of). It may not be that the whole community is that way, although it may be possible as well. More likely than not, you, or just a few people might be the only ones in a dystantfunctional community. One that has been established for their holy trinity: me, myself and I. Maybe everyone else is close, growing and in edifying community, but you aren’t. Here are some signs to see if you are in a dystantfunctional community and maybe these will be helpful in pointing out errors to friends or things to look out for. Let me also say, I am assuming that you are not the new person, but you’ve been in this community for sometime. I don’t want someone on their first night in a community gathering to feel like they need to be ‘all out there’, unless they want to.
I’ve provided two summaries for each sign. The first one is person specific, the second could be seen as a generalization of the climate of the community.
1. You are uncomfortable sharing what you are battling/struggling with, to receive prayer, encouragement or rebuke /// No one likes to be real.
If you don’t want to be challenged, Christianity is not for you. This is the Christian life. Jesus challenges from the second we follow, “Follow me and die!” Rebuke, is essential to the life of a Christian. It saves us from pain and grows us to glorify God. If you don’t like or want rebuke, the Bible simple says you are stupid (Proverbs 12:1).
You’ll need to ask yourself, “Why am I hesitant/reluctant/uncomfortable asking for help?” Maybe you want people to think highly of you. Perhaps your fear of man and approval by others is crippling you to walk in holiness.
2. You aren’t completely honest when you share /// There is a tendency to shade the truth and downplay sin.
Again, be known. Why not bare it all? Don’t hide what is plaguing you. Seek help. Isolation is the worst form of punishment, next to death. Criminals go to prison, to be isolated from society. If they really start to act up, they even get isolated in prison. Too many Christians live like they are in prison, they’ve made their own out of fear. Christ has set you free (Galatians 5:1). We have a tendency, from our flesh, to over generalize or simplify the things that pertain to our sin, we are children of the light, so we must walk in it (Eph. 5:8, 1 John 1:7) and embrace the truth that we have no condemnation from God (Rom. 8:1).
3. You judge others after someone shares their need for help, encouragement, or rebuke. /// There is a fear to share in the community, due to gross amounts of arrogance.
If this is you, yikes. You’ll need to remove the 2 x 4 hanging out of your head and love your fellow Christian (Matthew 7). You need to carry their burden and gently lead them to repentance and trust in the Gospel (Galatians 6:1-2). Yes, there are appropriate times to rebuke, execute church discipline, but here I am talking the first stage of confession. Chill out and help your family. If you find this to be you, you need to confess and realize that you aren’t the pope.
4. You don’t like to hang out with people in your community or make time for it /// No fellowship outside of the central meetings, the community is merely a ‘to do list’ item.
This almost goes with out saying, but hence the word ‘almost.’ You can’t be a community if you are not around each other [see the previous post on the early church's daily meeting]. Do you not like some of the people in your community? You probably don’t like someone because they are just like you. A sinner. They are probably selfish…and so are you. You’ll need to set aside and dismiss your preferences and seek those of others, a little bit like Jesus (Philippians 2:3-5).
Maybe you like the people in your community, but you like to have your time to yourself. You think you are just too busy. Ask yourself, why? “Well, I’m a loner. I’ve always been this way”, you might say. So what. If that’s how you’ve always been, you now have a great area to kill and grow in. Jesus bought a community, a body of people, to function together, not independently. You’ll need to examine yourself and see if you are being selfish to get your way (Proverbs 18:1) and/or you are hiding a sin (Proverbs 28:1).
5. You don’t encourage others. /// For the majority, people leave the community feeling discouraged and lousy.
Encouraging one another is one of the prime evidences of a Christian. We seek to exhort and encourage one another with evidence’s of grace that we see in each others lives, so that God may be praise as he works on a fellow believer. If you don’t like to encourage, or see this specific practice lacking in your life, examine yourself to determine why. Are you jealous? Are you bitter and jaded and you want others to be too? Encourage one another towards holiness and to praise God for what he is doing (Hebrews 10:25, 1 Thess. 5:11). A great community, doesn’t just use human or worldly encouragement, but implements Scripture into someone’s life (Col. 3:16, Eph. 5:19).
While some of the signs may be disheartening to you, but never fear, there is hope. Next post coming soon.
PART 1- The Dystantfunctional Community
PART 3 – Remedy to a Dystantfunctional Community – Coming Next Week
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In the book, 
